Gossiping is toxic and negative and something that unfortunately many people default to doing in conversations. In this video Alli Saunders shares ways to stop gossiping in its tracks!
This video is from a one of our video courses about How to be More Likeable and Build Strong Relationships.
Gossiping is toxic, if you do it, stop doing it right now. Have you ever noticed that the most like-able people that you know, you just couldn’t say a bad thing about because they’re just so great. Well those people also have probably never spoken negatively about another person around you. Studies show that if you say something negative about someone else, the person you’re saying it to subconsciously places you with that same negative trait. If you never say anything negative about another person people are less likely to have anything bad to say about you. Gossiping is much easier to do than to not do, it’s a quick way to join a conversation to feel like you’re relating to someone who is also part of the gossiping using someone else’s story and talking about them behind their backs is an easy topic of conversation to default to, it’s an easy way to make yourself feel better than that person, but gossiping is a very, ugly unfair thing to do and is not something like-able people to part in. Gossiping is poisonous, the intent behind gossip is usually to make someone who isn’t present, look bad and to make yourself look good through sharing this information. If you gossip about someone else, the person listening to you will assume you also gossip about them. Which means they are going to trust you they’ll wonder what you say about them when they’re not around. Gossiping is negative so although in the moment it may be an easy thing to do, it will leave you and the people you speak with in a more negative state. Like-able people have integrity, they’re fair and honest and in fairness they would never speak negatively or about someone who wasn’t there to defend themselves. Think about how you would feel if you find that someone was speaking behind your back, now the only way this would feel good is if they were speaking positively about how great you were, right. Making the choice to not gossip is like making the choice to not eat sugar. It takes practice discipline and strength to commit to but in doing so it will have a massive positive impact on your life, by not participating in gossiping you will shine, people will take notice and admire you for not doing it. Gossiping doesn’t do anyone any good, so even if in the moment someone is looking for you to join in on the gossiping, which they will be, by not joining in you will foster trust, you will be seen as non-judgmental and will overall be much more like-able. So I have a challenge for you this week, if gossiping starts to occur around you try one of these statements to change the topic or let the gossiper know you are not having any of that. hear what the statements are to get out and away from gossiping. I don’t know enough about the situation to comment on it or I don’t know the other person’s perspective so I prefer to not discuss what I think they were thinking or feeling in their absence. You could also point out a quality you like about the person who’s being gossiped about. For example, I’ve always found Emily easy to talk to and stick up for that person in their absence or simply change the subject to a more positive topic. By choosing not to gossip you’re making a decision to have good character and to be a more like-able human being. So if you’re not going to be participating in the gossiping that’s going on what oh what can you talk to others about. Whether you’re visiting family at a social gathering or out to a work holiday party after you catch up about the kids the family or the work that’s currently going on what do you talk about. Number one, do new things, try out a trendy product, go curling, take a cooking class, read a book, check out a tourist attraction near where you live. Doing something you’ve never done before and having a newbies perspective on it and an experienced review point on it to share, is a very easy thing to create a conversation around. For example, I finally checked out the CN tower this year have you ever been the other person can say oh yeah I used to do the CN tower walk every year and the conversation can continue from there. Talk about traveling most people love traveling and if they love traveling they’ll love to let you know all of the cool places that they’ve been. Traveling and talking about different cities and countries around the world is a topic that’s very easy to spend time chatting about. Ask the people you’re with, where their favorite place to travel is or where the best food they’ve ever eaten is or where in the world they’ve lived or where is a reasonably priced place to have a vacation. If you’re ever in a jam in any social situation where you need to keep the conversation going, traveling is a very easy go to. You can talk about health, there are always tons of different health trends going on, not eating processed sugar, going vegan, doing the Paleo diet, taking supplements, juicing, making smoothies, running, Pilates, yoga, bodybuilding and so on. The direction I like to take in conversations when I’m speaking about health, is by asking people, hey have you heard of this newest health trend and insert the newest health trend into your conversation and ask people for their thoughts and opinions on it. Now if you aren’t as into following trends, you could ask the people you’re with, what they do to stay in shape or if they’ve ever tried going vegetarian or what their favorite activity is to do in the winter to keep active. Talking about health and wellness is another very easy go-to especially if you notice the person is in relatively decent shape if they are it’s likely they have an interest in health as well.